Careers at ResuMeme
Join our world-class team of synergy engineers, vibe architects, and stakeholder whisperers. We are revolutionizing the future of work, one inflated resume at a time.
We hire only the top 0.0001% of global talent. We have never successfully hired anyone. Could you be the first?
Senior Vibe Engineer (Full-time, Remote)
What you'll do
- Architect transformative cross-functional synergies at scale
- Operationalize value-add ecosystems across mission-critical paradigms
- Disrupt at least one industry per fiscal quarter
- Onboard 200+ direct reports within first two weeks
Required qualifications
- 15+ years of professional experience with technologies invented in the last 3 years
- Native fluency in Python, TypeScript, Rust, Go, COBOL, and Wingdings (simultaneously, while pair-programming)
- PhD in Computer Science from a top-3 university (we will not tell you which 3)
- At least one published paper in NeurIPS, ICLR, AND a Pulitzer for fiction
- Demonstrated ability to ship products to 1B+ DAU in a single sprint
- Olympic-level competitive programming background (medalists only)
- "10×" engineer measured against Linus Torvalds' worst day
Nice-to-haves
- Built and exited a unicorn before age 21
- Personal relationship with at least 3 cloud provider CEOs
- Comfortable working synergistically across 14 time zones simultaneously
Compensation
Equity. Significant equity. Some of it valued in fictional currencies. We do not pay cash because we believe in the long-term mission. Coffee is BYOB (bring your own beans).
Junior Stakeholder Whisperer (Mid-level)
What you'll do
- Align stakeholders proactively before they know they're stakeholders
- Maintain "vibe parity" across all leadership 1:1s
- Translate executive thoughts into JIRA tickets and back into thoughts
- Achieve 110% OKR completion rate while having no defined OKRs
Required qualifications
- Minimum 8 years of stakeholder management at C-suite level
- MBA + JD + MD (we will assess fit during a 9-round interview process)
- Native fluency in 7 languages, at least one of which must be Latin
- Available 24/7 with proactive enthusiasm; "self-starter" who also does exactly what they're told
- Previous experience as a Chief of Staff to someone famous
Intern (Unpaid, On-site, Mandatory Weekends)
Required qualifications
- 10+ years of relevant industry experience
- Must own own laptop, datacenter, and emotional regulation
- Familiarity with Kubernetes, Kafka, mainframe assembly, and hieroglyphics
- Will be expected to lead our IPO during the third week
- Strong understanding of distributed systems, distributed teams, and distributed grief
Benefits
Significant exposure. Free water (BYO cup). Mentorship from our CEO during the 11pm–5am window.
Head of Recruiting
Required qualifications
- Have personally rejected at least 50,000 candidates
- Demonstrated ability to leave applicants on read for 6+ months
- Familiarity with phrases like "we've decided to move forward with another candidate" in 12 languages
- Comfortable telling people their CV "didn't quite match what we're looking for" without specifying anything
Zero qualified candidates have ever applied.
Be the first. Send your inflated resume to the void.